In a dream state just before awakening for the day, I am aware that I had just been somewhere with Jack and we departed each other. Next I drive up to a mailbox at the edge of a small driveway. As I was opening the box Jack’s Mom, Kathy appeared at the top of an outdoor staircase that was to the left of the driveway where I was standing beside my car at the mailbox. My mother-in-law waved down to me as she stood within a doorway. The doorway represents a portal and it was an open door. She simply appeared there and did not open nor close the door. The house surrounding the doorway was nebulous and seemed vague and white. This was not a place from my memory and I was there to obtain her mail. It occurs to me that her husband had been in the postal service in the army and in his career as he managed and directed many postal offices. My husband Jack had his first summer job delivering mail.
A procession of woman wearing white robes began to move up the driveway on either side of my car towards Kathy. They walked right by me as if I wasn’t even there which I found perplexing. My ego side felt offended as I thought that even a dog would acknowledge the presence of another. She was busy receiving them and I felt sad that I was not part of that which brought up a feeling of rejection which I quickly glossed over by going back to separating the mail. Kathy seemed to sense the fragility of my emotion as she responded by throwing a white down comforter towards me. It was similar to one I’ve had a long time and that I would hang outdoors to freshen. I missed catching it though and it landed in the driveway. Quickly, I tried to retrieve it so it wouldn’t get dirty but alas the comforter had already picked up the driveway smut and I was dismayed. I tried to shake the dust off but clearly it needed water so I walked into the nearby woods looking for a pond.
I happened upon a small hole filled with black water at the edge of the forest clearing. I washed the comforter and my hands and when I was finished I walked out into a breathtakingly bright and beautiful clearing just past the water hole at the edge of the forest. I carefully laid the pristine white comforter in the golden sunlight to dry. Then I sat down to meditate on the warmth of the radiant glowing sun. the rays of which surrounded me filling me with warm golden light. While I was sitting cross legged on the earth in lotus position an astonishing sight emerged. A huge black deer came through the forest toward the water hole and paused at the black mud puddle to wash its feet and as I looked down I noticed two large human feet on the deer. The feet were perfectly placed next to one another with the insteps and big toes touching and they were huge, plumply full and ashen black. They were a color black that I have never seen on a human being. An ashen black. The nails were also completely ashen black. The hugest and loveliest doe I had ever witnessed dropped its head down to lick its human looking feet seemingly unaware that I was so close. When the huge graceful creature finished grooming the black earth off of its feet, it shook off the last of the earth and peacefully strode towards the clearing and majestically walked out of the forest and into the light. I was absolutely awestruck! It was so impressive! In the brilliant light the dark doe was so magically regal.
Just then the deer seemed to sense my emotions and turned its head to gaze at me. As we made eye contact I was again awestruck at the depth of understanding these eyes communicated, the majesty of vision, and the swelling of love bursting in my heart. Then the elegant female walked towards me and put its face in mine and with its tongue it licked my eyes for a goodbye kiss, nuzzling my eyes just the way Millie our cat does in the morning when Jack and I are awakening.
AWAKENING FROM THE DREAM
Next I was pulled from my sleep state by the gonging of an alarm clock. And while still in dream state I had the lucid thought that it was perfect timing because my dream had completed. Just then I awoke, and sensed Jack hopping up to turn off the alarm. I stayed in bed to establish total recall of this wondrous dream. Jack suggested that I write it down immediately so that the details would not be lost. He came back to bed and Millie climbed up to greet us and nuzzled my face until my eyelashes moistened. Just like in the dream!
After arising I prepared myself for the days work. This morning I was scheduled to teach Yoga to the special education population at an elementary school in my hometown neighborhood of Paramus, NJ.
On my way there, I phoned Jack. At that moment I noticed a car with the numbers 999 on its New York licence plates. As the car sped past, I was reminded of how many 999 plates we saw in New York just yesterday as we had made our way to Jacks music performance at The Firehouse Space in Brooklyn. Nine is the number of completion in the study of numerology. And it is said symbolically that cats have nine lives.
The dream about the deer and Jacks Mom had shaken up my emotions and I wept at the idea of the dreams symbolism of her impending death and transformation. Kathy has had mesothelioma and her husband is sick from worry and exhausted from stress.
During the rest of my journey to Paramus, I prayed to Mother Mary that I may be focused for the children that I was about to teach, many of whom had autism. When I arrived at the school I said one more prayer before I got out of my car so I was surprised to find myself falling down just outside the door on the concrete walkway. Perhaps the door represented the portal in my dream and it was just too real for the moment. But I was protected as I fell and only scratched the palms of my hands. The teachers aids for the children I was about to teach just so happened to be the ones outside unloading the bus at that very moment so they recognized me and came rushing over to help me up and make sure I was not injured. That opened my heart even more and when I got inside it became apparent to me that these children had special empathic skills and were responding innately to my open heart and my sensitivity. The first child to come in to the class came over to me with a huge smile and took my hand and looked into my eyes so sweetly sensing my open and grieving heart that was preparing for the death of a loved one. Each child who came to Yoga class today seemed to be aware of my energy and responded lovingly. Several of them hugged me and smiled right into my eyes. As these children did Yoga they were especially magically present and obedient today. From them I received a universal message of deep compassion and a connectedness to all. There are no accidents.
ANALYZING THE DREAM
Later on, back at home, I thought about this and that black doe in the forest and I interpreted the dream symbology. Kathy the mother of my husband Jack is preparing to depart to a higher plane of existence where she will be received by her Creator, friends and family who have already passed and that the white comforter suggests the purity and comfort not only of a mother and of a wife but of the supreme Holy Spirit Mother and Mother Earth. The role of comforter that she has played will soon be passed to me as she transforms majestically and leaves the earth plane, shaking off the dust of form as she emerges into the Light that is aught there is.
The color of black in an ashen form is the symbolism of ashes to ashes and dust to dust that we celebrate in our Catholic religion. It is also a symbol of the carcinogenic disease of mesothelioma that is slowly claiming her body. The ease and gracefulness of how she shook off the last remnants of dirt and dust after cleansing in the water to purify shows us that she is prepared to depart into the majestic glory of the All Encompassing Light and that it will be easeful. Her enlightenment is regally successful and she will always be dear in our hearts as we will be in hers always. She kisses us goodbye as she does her very own feet. She is a graceful giant of radiant beauty as she is absorped back into the Light. And She will welcome us dearly when it is our turn.